If the ancient rome had the internet

What would it look like if the ancient rome would have the internet

• The destruction of Pompeii in 79AD is the most viewed video at YouTube. The first comment is…”OMG so cool! Volcanos ROCK!”
• Attila the Hun has his own MySpace page. Nobody ever rejects his “invite a friend” emails.
• The soothsayer’s “Ides of March” email fails to get Caesar’s proper attention as it’s inadvertently filtered into his junk folder.
• But at least Caesar’s “Et tu Brute?” comment is available as a free ringtone download.
• The domain gladiator.rome sells for the record sum of 1,000,000 denarii.
• The owner of hadriansucks.rome is compelled to hand over both the domain name and selected body parts by an independent domain tribunal chaired by…Emperor Hadrian.
• “Naked Cleopatra” is the top search term on Google.
• Unfortunately, the Queen of Egypt dies an early death after misunderstanding IT’s call to embrace an ASP solution.
• Hannibal blogs his way across the Alps with posts like, “Whoops, lost another elephant today.”
• But he runs out of money when his PPC budget is plundered by an iberian click scam organized by Publius Cornelius Scipio.
• Tiber.com opens, initially selling scrolls and tablets before expanding to include togas, pottery, and do-it-yourself mosaic kits.
• Websites like handsome-literate-male-british-slave.com pollute the search listings thanks to generous commissions at the slaves.co.rome affiliate program.
• Roman programmers moan about projects outsourced to cheap coders in Mesopotamia.
• The Colosseum is renamed the eBay Colosseum, with free wireless hotspots outside the lark’s tongue restaurant.
• The volume of spam collapses when the penalty for not providing a working opt-out mechanism becomes equal billing with the lions at the eBay Colosseum.
• But we still get emails featuring Brunhilda, the lonely Visigoth, and hot deals on cheap peacock livers from Gaul.
• Nobody invents a spam filter good enough for the House of the Vestals.
• Classical geeks wear t-shirts proclaiming, “there’s no place like CXXVII.0.0.I” (bonus points if you get that one)
• Finally, Rome burns to the ground while Emperor Nero battles online with Hakkar the Soulflayer in World of Warcraft.

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This entry was posted on Sunday, February 10th, 2008 at 9:35 am and is filed under Funny, Interesting. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.